Let’s Talk

Let’s talk.

Do you ever feel so emotionally tired that you physically can’t do anything? That you get enough sleep and you still yawn? That getting out of bed is the hardest part of the day?

Okay, yes, that does sound like just a normal college student’s life. But you get the point.

For about a year and a half, it feels like it’s been one thing after another after another and nothing ever stops. I mean, let’s be real, I’m in my family where calamity is bound to follow you and you just probably just plan on your plans being ruined. I’m proud of it. I’ve lived a whole dang lot of life for one eighteen-year-old. And I look back at the things God has taught me and I’m thankful. So thankful in fact, I think, that God keeps giving me more. And more. And more.

About every three months for the past two years of my life, I’ve looked back at myself three months before and have been shocked at how far I’ve come in just a short time. It sucks, but I come out of it a stronger and more compassionate person.

But then there’s now. And I have no interest in being compassionate anymore.

I hurt. I hurt more deeply than I ever have before. Ever notice how we like to compare pain? Deep down inside, even as I’m preaching to the world that we shouldn’t compare our pain, I believe that my life has been harder than all of my friends’ lives. I make excuses for myself based on the tears I’ve been crying. I ignore God because I’m mad, and I feel justified.

I’m like Job I guess. I don’t understand why this had to happen or what it’s accomplishing by having happened. Like, seriously, what is the point? I thought I already learned this.

Are you in the same boat? Is your heart calloused and are your emotions cold? I’m afraid I really can’t say anything to make your pain go away, and you probably wouldn’t appreciate it even if I tried. Stop looking for solace in other human beings, or even searching because of the stark lack of it. Start systematically listening to God by reading His word. Make it of top priority in your life. He is a person who can have a relationship. And the really cool thing is, He’ll never leave you, ever. You can trust Him with everything in your life. He knows, but He wants to hear about it, so talk to Him. And remember this too (I stole this from my Washington Pastor)>> love Him for who He is, not just for what He has done. God is dynamic and has provided us with His living word, meaning, that’s how He talks to us (at least most of the time). Cry out to Him and have faith in Him. He can handle it.

And yes. Yes I was just talking to myself. But if you found that paragraph to speak to you, I have two things to say to you>> 1. It came from God, and 2. I’ll be praying for you.

LOVE;

{/\ubry}

                                

On Bitterness

Hey guys! So it’s late, and I’m just posting this. My day has been filled with social media, marketing plans, skype, logo designing, video editing, and trip planning. Like seriously, what more could I ask for. Since I was a bad Christian and woke up at 9:30 (and noticed the snow falling outside), I decided not to try to get ready in 15 minutes and go to church late. My mom had told me about a sermon at our church in California on bitterness that our pastor had preached last week. Guys, it rung true. So since I really don’t have time to write a full fledged theological blog post (since those usually take days of pondering, and last week was crazy), I decided I’d share the sermon with you.

Click here to view the iTunes podcast.

The head pastor of Grace Baptist is David Hegg. Ironically, he grew up in Spokane (my other home), and actually, I noticed his Spokane accent come out a couple of times in this sermon (If you don’t know what that is, say “bed”. That is what all “a” sounds in “apple” sound like. For the longest time I thought Gonzaga was pronounced completely wrong).

If you’ve been following my blog since the beginning, you probably read this post on January 14. It was titled “Here’s to Endings” talking about a pretty massive ending in my life. The good news is, in the almost two months between that post and this one, I’ve come far. I don’t think about it very often, and I’m moving on. Sure, I’m still sad about it, but it’s not as fresh as it once was. Time heals wounds. The thing is, sometimes we think we’re healed, only to find that bitterness has dulled the pain, like a bandaid. I’ve been busy, and a lot has happened to me since January 14th and now, but I find that I’m using my busyness as an excuse not to take the time to let myself be soft. I promised myself that I would go deeper with God, and let myself cry. But both of those things have gone down in my list of priorities and that is not okay.

On January 14, I promised myself four things. Number three is the most important:

I want my faith in God to grow through this. It’s not an automatic process, it’ll take work. But already in the past few months (of coming to terms with the fact that this was ending), I have felt God’s love like never before, and it is completely unexplainable. And now I just want to go deeper, because I know God and I can.

I know this stuff. But I don’t feel it anymore. And I haven’t let myself sit still long enough to be able to feel it.

So that’s my goal for this week>> To find shelter in God. Not songwriting. Not projects. Not social media. Not even good friends. I must bring myself to a desperate place in order to hear God. Because I’m desperate. Always. Even when things are going well in my life and even when I have fourteen different things on my ToDo list. No matter how high and mighty I ever feel, I am in desperate need of God’s unchanging grace.

Thank you Jesus.

What is your goal for this week? Comment below!

LOVE;

{/\ubry}

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Our Journey With God

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The truth is that our journey with God isn’t really about living and He never claimed it would be. It is, and has always been, a gradual death to everything we love outside of Him.

Angie Smith

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TARYN! I love you more than anything and I hope you have an AMAZING day!!! Love you best friend!