Do you ever feel so emotionally tired that you physically can’t do anything? That you get enough sleep and you still yawn? That getting out of bed is the hardest part of the day?
Okay, yes, that does sound like just a normal college student’s life. But you get the point.
For about a year and a half, it feels like it’s been one thing after another after another and nothing ever stops. I mean, let’s be real, I’m in my family where calamity is bound to follow you and you just probably just plan on your plans being ruined. I’m proud of it. I’ve lived a whole dang lot of life for one eighteen-year-old. And I look back at the things God has taught me and I’m thankful. So thankful in fact, I think, that God keeps giving me more. And more. And more.
About every three months for the past two years of my life, I’ve looked back at myself three months before and have been shocked at how far I’ve come in just a short time. It sucks, but I come out of it a stronger and more compassionate person.
But then there’s now. And I have no interest in being compassionate anymore.
I hurt. I hurt more deeply than I ever have before. Ever notice how we like to compare pain? Deep down inside, even as I’m preaching to the world that we shouldn’t compare our pain, I believe that my life has been harder than all of my friends’ lives. I make excuses for myself based on the tears I’ve been crying. I ignore God because I’m mad, and I feel justified.
I’m like Job I guess. I don’t understand why this had to happen or what it’s accomplishing by having happened. Like, seriously, what is the point? I thought I already learned this.
Are you in the same boat? Is your heart calloused and are your emotions cold? I’m afraid I really can’t say anything to make your pain go away, and you probably wouldn’t appreciate it even if I tried. Stop looking for solace in other human beings, or even searching because of the stark lack of it. Start systematically listening to God by reading His word. Make it of top priority in your life. He is a person who can have a relationship. And the really cool thing is, He’ll never leave you, ever. You can trust Him with everything in your life. He knows, but He wants to hear about it, so talk to Him. And remember this too (I stole this from my Washington Pastor)>> love Him for who He is, not just for what He has done. God is dynamic and has provided us with His living word, meaning, that’s how He talks to us (at least most of the time). Cry out to Him and have faith in Him. He can handle it.
And yes. Yes I was just talking to myself. But if you found that paragraph to speak to you, I have two things to say to you>> 1. It came from God, and 2. I’ll be praying for you.