So this week, really out of necessity, I’m trying something new. I’m not really going to have a plan for any of my posts, so bare with me. As I’m pretty behind on everything in my life, I have absolutely zero blog posts written up in preparation for this week. I was focusing more on catching up on sleep on Saturday and Sunday than planning for my week. So, all that being said, I’m basically just going to write whatever is in my head the day of. This might actually be pretty fun.
Are you angry at anyone? Like really angry? Like angry in a final way? I am. There are very few situations that give no opportunity for restoration, but this is one. At least it is for right now.
I wanted so badly for this not to happen, and frankly, I was doing pretty well there for a while. But I found out more about the story and it all crumbled. What can I do in this situation? How in the world do I simulate closure when in some sense, there isn’t any? This is a question I never had capacity to understand, but one I knew many people are forced to ask. How do you forgive someone who has left your life for good or even died?
Um, only by the grace of God.
Really, that’s it. I must rely on God in this. I left the situation willingly because I knew it was unhealthy, but now I wonder if this is worse. The only way out really, is ultimate forgiveness. The kind that God has shed on us, His bride, who has left Him for another multiple times. So basically, I can’t forgive this person all by myself. Only God can, through me. And only then will this cloud of anger and frustration and sadness and girl hormones leave me. (Yes, I threw girl hormones in there, we all know it’s true.)
Most everything in me wants to live my life free from the past. The rest of me doesn’t. Honestly, I don’t think any of us will ever be able to live as if the past never happened until we get to Heaven. But I want the good memories to penetrate the more recent, bad ones. In fact, I need them to, in order to fully move on. And, I’m told, that only comes with forgiveness>> God’s forgiveness for me, and God’s forgiveness through me.
God, I pray that you will forgive me for not forgiving and that through me, Your forgiveness will penetrate. I pray that You would pick me up off of this cold, dark ground of anger and lift me to better, richer, more pure things. And that every day, my purpose would be to serve You rather than myself.
Forgiveness is the only answer.